pathetically pathetic..
though i think i easily express my feelings through my face expressions, still, i think i need more than that…
i find it very hard to really express my feelings to somebody..
i mean by words..
words..
words..
yeah words..
ugh.. i feel so pathetic.. pathetically pathetic..
when I’m angry, i don’t want to just tell the people that I’m angry, as it will be clearly displayed on my face, but i want to say “I’m mad at you” and tell the reasons why..
when I’m happy, i don’t want to just tell the people that I’m happy, but i also want to spread the happiness.. this one, i don’t think people do need specific reasons to do so..
when i hate dislike or feel uncomfortable with something or someone, erm, this one i do not really show it, but u can sometimes detect my hesitancy, still, i really think that they have to know the reasons..
when i like or feel comfortable with something or someone, this one I’m not sure whether people can tell or not, still i really want to tell them so.. but, i don’t know how to do so and I’m sure it will damn awkward if i do so..
why? people said that i look
“garang”, “mcm mafia”, “muke samseng”, “ganas” , yadayadayadayadayada….
ok. maybe to some extent it’s true that i’m a bit kasar, but well dat will be another topic to speak about later.
so that is why, it would be something weird if suddenly i say those positive things to people.. it will be consider as “geli” by me or even those who hears it..because it’s from me.. and my message cannot be successfully delivered.. as in sometimes, people might think it as main2.. ades
and also, i really needs to clarify the reasons for me being mad of someone.. as in i hope that the person will not repeat the same mistakes again and again.. maybe some people think it would be okay later on as we will eventually be immuned with them, but what if i’m not? what if i keep it in my heart and later as it reach the maximum capacity and explode?
alright.. i know i’m not the only one who think like this, there maybe some other people out there who feels the same way as i do..
the thing is people, my point is that, i might seems lepak, tak kesah sgt, buat bodo je, malas nak layan, but deep in my heart, aku byk bende yang aku simpan..
sometimes i feel like crying, well i did, as i cannot really tell people what am i feeling.. worst come to worst, it would be really frustrating when people misinterpret my actions (attitude, face expressions, behaviour, what i speak, my tone and register and so on…) or in other word.. misinterpret me as a whole..
tapi pape pon.. Allah itu maha mengetahui.. from Him is the only one i ask for my strength..
13. Dan tuturkanlah perkataan kamu Dengan perlahan atau Dengan nyaring, (sama sahaja keadaannya kepada Allah), kerana Sesungguhnya Allah Maha mengetahui akan Segala (isi hati) Yang terkandung di Dalam dada.
14. Tidakkah Allah Yang menciptakan sekalian makhluk itu mengetahui (segala-galanya)? sedang ia Maha Halus urusan PentadbiranNya, lagi Maha mendalam PengetahuanNya!
(al-mulk, 67: 13-14)
so dear X, i really hope that u dont feel too proud with ur victory, as u have lost to me for umpteen time.. and yet, i dont feel proud about it and i think i’ve been patient enough with you.. i’ve wrote a post expressing my dissatisfaction towards you once.. and this is twice.. i wish i could beg to you to stop being so egoistic just like i am as it will only brings disaster.. being ignorant and egoistic at the same time is what orang melayu called as “bodoh sombong”.. i did that so many times too.. and so i dont want you to be like dat..i’m sori..
dear XY, just please stop being so “oversensitive”.. i’m not the kind of person who cannot control my feelings.. i know my limit.. just give my my chance to indulge it.. i guess u are the one who is weird and not acting like usual.. still, i’m enjoying whatever i’m feeling towards u, XY..
dear people other than X and XY, dun worry, i have no problemo with you guys..
to X,XY, and other people, silalah berusaha bersungguh2.. usaha gile2 la thap dewa naga la senang cakap.. ni last kot.. pasni mane ade nak wat IB lagi.. sekali seumur hidup kot!!!
cheerio people~
-aku yang ego-
