it’s in You…
There’s always something
In the way
There’s always something
Getting through
But it’s not me
it’s You
Sometime’s ignorance
Rings true
But hope is not in
What I know
Not in me
It’s in You
It’s all I know
It’s all I know
It’s all I know
And I find peace
When I’m confused
I find hope when
I’m let down
Not in me
But in You
I hope to lose myself
For good
I hope to find it in the end
Not in me
in You
It’s all I know
It’s all I know
It’s all I know
In You, in you, it’s in You
in You..
yes ya Allah, it’s in You..
[57:22] Anything that happens on earth, or to you, has already been recorded, even before the creation. This is easy for GOD to do.
i shall hold on to that.. para siempre~
still i’m praying hard.. because i also believe Allah wont let me down.. not even anyone!
“Ya Allah, please grant me with the serenity to accept things that i cannot change, the courage to change thing that i can, and the wisdom to know the difference.. Amin!”
the day you went away…
25th of June.. it’s been a month since you were last seen by Abah.. by me, it would be almost two months since i last saw you.. and i guess now, forever you will never be seen again by us.. i dont know where are you Maui.. I’ve been calling for your name, searching for you at wherever place that i thought you would be, but all the effort were in vain.. u never come home.. i was hopeless.. but Alhamdulillah, i still got my two “addiction” i would say, Ciko and Sheena to take my thoughts away from you.. but still, it was not easy for me to let you go.. one day when i was trying to get some afternoon nap with both of them, suddenly i remember my wish.. yes, that one wish, that might be the reason you leave me..
“abah, cek nak kucing baru.. Maui ni jahat la.. suka tak balik umah.. pastu kalo balik mesti kejap je.. taknak pon biar cek main-main dengan die. balik makan je”
“yela2.. alah, kata Maui jahat la ape la tapi Maui takde cari.. telipon umah asyik tanya Maui ada rumah ke tak mcm la kucing tu boleh ckp..”
and later, the two kittens were born.. and i was so overwhelmed.. Mak and Abah even brought them to see me all the way from home in Kg Baru to KMB. few times. i was so happy.. i almost forgot about Maui.. ALMOST, people, just almost.. i still asked about how he was doing at home.
but i guess, that is why there is this one quotation
” be careful of what you wish for, cuz you just might get it all”
well, if that line is meant for IB result that is coming out very soon, then it would be such blessing, not a warning like it should be.. but in this case, i totally ignored it and yeah, i sort of regret my words, or should i call it my WISH..
i did not cry for the loss.. at least not infront of Abah, or anyone.. i pretended like i dont care as much but infact i do.. i waited for the return everyday. i woke up everyday and open the door with the hope of seeing Maui waiting for me to kindly hug him and kiss him as i always do.. tapi bak kata orang, ” harapan hanya tinggal harapan”.. i really want to cry to Abah and tell him how much i miss Maui.. but i didnt, because i know how much he hates to see me cry for any reason.. when it comes about my cats, Abah is the best person to turn to.. as i believed he is a “cat whisperer” since he talked to the cats almost every morning when he prepares their food and milk.. well, that is another story.. actually, i try not to cry, as in trying to be strong and to think that what a waste to shed some tears for a cat.. but it would not be fair for Maui since i’ve been crying myself to sleep for 7 consecutive nights during Tuah’s death during first semester in KMB.. i felt like i lost one of my important pieces in my life during that time.. i’ve been dragging myself to almost everywhere since i was so weak, and broken hearted during that time.. mmg sgt teruklah time tuh.. cuma maybe org tak perasaan. tapi ade la someone tegur time nak pegi DS “wa, ko apsal mcm tak berdaya je ni?” and i just smiled.. and maybe that is why i’m better at handling Maui’s MIA.. and yeah, i did cry for Maui.. for few nights.. but not consecutively la.. but today, right now, i’m letting Maui go.. i believe i can accept this.. though i was still sad because we never had a chance to properly say goodbye to each other.. but it’s okay Maui.. i believe u are in heaven right now, along with Tuah.. and also Tommy, Jonny, Boboy, Lolo, Mimi, Cantek, Mok, Tam, Abu, Teja, and so many names i could not remember.. and so i’m singing~
“oh where, oh where could my baby be?
the Lord took them away from me
they’ve gone to heaven
so i got to be good
so i can see my baby
when i leave this world.. “
Tuah…=(
Mawi.. =(
Ciko! =)
Sheena! =)
bye Maui, bye Tuah, and bye all of the rest that also already gone, my addiction for my entire life, my cats..
owh, here is some eye candy for u guys.. i cried when i watch this.. i cried my heart out.. seriously.. i miss Maui.. and Tuah.. and the rest of my cats.. i’m crying right now as i watch it again.. tgk byk2 kali pon boley nanges lagi.. i guess i’m gonna cry myself to bed again tonight..
please click the link below, please3.. but if u love animal for example cats as much as i do, and also as emotional as i am, please prepare some tissues.. mine is fnished already..
food for thought =)
dakwah.
to me, dat word is huge, massive and heavy.
and it is related to this
“amar makruf nahi munkar”
true?
so, if i say this:
“teman2, senyumlah sikit.. jangan malas2 di rumah ye”
isn’t that is “menyeru ke arah kebaikan dan mencegah kemungkaran”?
see? i think dakwah isn’t that hard. in my opinion by making people think, or even reflecting can actually consider as that. it does not necessarily have to be included with ayat Quran, or hadith but by having that would be much greater.=) i’m saying this because i’m not good at ayat Quran and hadith. i’m on my learning process.. =)
so people, who hates blogger that wrote stories about their life, please think. sometimes, people tell stories for you to learn the lessons, or just trying to make you think or reflect on yourself. dont just go by the statement
“skrg org suke wat blog dan paparkan kisah diri sendiri..bukannya nak beri pengetahuan..ha3″
it’s OKAY to be judgmental.. but not too much. i am a judgmental person too sometimes.
kadang2, before telling stories, they put intro as “salam alaik” or even asking people to say “Alhamdulillah”.. isn’t that is good.. takpon, sometimes people might having a day from hell, and when they read your funny stories in your blog, they’ll laugh.. bukankah suatu perkara baik menggembirakan org lain? =)
to all bloggers, just continue with what you’re doing according to your preference.. nak tell stories about your life ke, nak share pengetahuan ke, nak share pendapat ke, just do it.. asalkan buat dengan ikhlas =) dan dengan harapan sedikit sebanyak memberikan manfaat tak kisahlah dalam bentuk apa sekali pon pada orang lain..
i’m inspired by this hadith:
Dari Jarir r.a katanya:”Aku berjanji kepada Rasulullah s.a.w akan setia dan patuh dan memberi nasihat kepada setiap orang muslim. Lalu beliau bersabda kepadaku:”Lakukanlah sekuasamu.” (Muslim)
segala puji bagi Allah serta selawat dan salam ke atas RAsulullah SAW. =)
kau, aku mintak maaf.
dulu seingat aku, kau akan setuju dan bermati-matian tentang statement
“couple itu haram. x boleh buat.lagha. elok dielakkan”
tapi sekarang, bila aku ingatkan kau pasal ni, kau melenting,
“aku mane ade couple.kan fitrah manusia itu mempunyai rasa cinta. Allah kan yang bagi rasa cinta tu.”
pastu bila aku tanya kau, define couple.
kau diam.
aku diam. tunggu.
couple tu, bila orang cakap “jom couple” then yg lagi satu tu setuju. itu ke?
ntah.
aku tak tahu. kau tahu?
cumanya aku kat sini macam nak ckp yang aku macam agak sedih dan kesian la dengan orang yang jenis macam kau
“bila orang lain buat dan dia tak buat sesuatu perkara ‘buruk’ tersebut, dia beriya-iya mengata dan mengutuk, tapi bila dia dah terlibat, pandai lah pula membela diri”
dulu kau tanya aku,
“best ke ada “someone”? best ke bercinta? ape yang korang borak ek asyik sms, ym, call? ape yang best nye? aku tak paham lah”
aku diam.
sekarang aku rasa kau dah ada jawapan tu.
dan aku harap, kau tak lagi bersikap prejudis terhadap orang lain. aku tahu dan hormat kau. aku tahu ilmu kau dari segi agama kita Islam lagi banyak dari aku sebab kau lagi banyak pergi daurah, join ceramah sana-sini. iman kau mungkin lagi kuat dari aku. tapi sikap prejudis kau sedikit sebanyak menghakis rasa hormat aku kat kau. kau pesan lah kat kawan-kawan seperjuangan kau, dan itu termasuk aku juga.
kau, aku mintak maaf.
TEEN
technically, right now, i’m 19 years old . notice here people, nineTEEN. haha. my last “teen” year. next year if panjang umur insyaAllah i’ll no longer have that “teen”. but it does not make any difference. i’m still aging. =)
pertama-tamanya dan buat selama-lamanya i would like to give the highest praise to the one and only God, Allah for allowing me to live up to this day. Alhamdulillah.. terlalu banyak nikmat yang telah aku perolehi sepanjang hayatku ini dan for sure ntah berapa banyak lagi nikmat yang bakal aku nikmati lagi.. nak kira pkai GDC pon tak cukup. owh GDC pon mane tah.
dulu masa kecik-kecik, aku selalu memandang tinggi terhadap mereka yang lebih tua daripada aku. salah satu sebabnya adalah kerana aku masih rendah lagi. sbb tu memandang tinggi. sebab lain adalah kerana aku rasa mereka macam “orang dah besar”. cane nak terangkan ek? paham2 sendiri la. aku macam sangat respek la kat abang2 dan kakak serta sepupu sepipit yang lebih tua dari aku. aku rasa diorang hebat.aku rasa selamat bila bersama mereka. aku rasa diorang cool.
sedar tak sedar, aku kini telahpun berada di posisi mereka. mungkin itulah yang sepupu aku anggap mengenai aku. yelah, aku mana ada adik. akulah adik. bila pikir-pikir balik, aku telahpun diberi kepercayaan untuk menjadi penjaga dan membawa 2 orang sepupu yang lebih muda daripadaku untuk keluar menonton wayang dan jalan-jalan. seorang 14 tahun dan seorang 11 tahun. wah! dan aku agak sukses menguruskan mereka. aku macam tak sangka lah pulak aku boleh bawak anak orang pergi jalan-jalan dan menjadi orang yang “in charge”. jadi, itu tandanya saya sudah dikira berkemampuan untuk memikul tanggungjawab yang besar.
malam-malam terakhirku di KMB, tiba-tiba aku cakap kat rum8 aku.
“weyh ko sedar tak kite semua nih dah nak masuk 19/20 tahun?”
“sedar. tapi cam tak percaya jugakla. maybe sebab kita dikalangan kita jugak kot. so tak rasa macam orang besar”
maybela kot. but again, aku rasa, kalau nak dibandingkan dengan budak budak luar kmb yang sebaya dengan kita, aku rasa diorang nampka lagi mature la. apsal ek? ntahla, budak2 kmb menghadapi pelbagai tekanan kot sebab tu tumbesaran terbantut, pastu susah la nak jumpa orang-orang yang matang. termasuklah aku. hehe.
okayh, point aku sebenarnye adalah aku tak percaya aku dah 19 tahun la weyh. ntah, sebab aku tak rasa aku macam dah 19 tahun. do i look like one? do i?
korang pon, percaya tak korang dah 19/20 tahun? rasa tak?
BTN and stitches
assalamualaikum..
priviet! (bermaksud “hi” dalam bahasa russia diajarkan oleh budak sengal kumpulan 3, muhamad, kalau dia tipu aku tak pasti)
berikut adalah beberapa perkara yang ingin aku “highlight” mengenai BTN aku:
AJK Tertinggi
- sungguh tidakku duga itu yang akan dan telahpun terjadi. mungkin perkara ini tidak diketahui oleh peserta-peserta BTN saya sendiri bahawa boleh dikatakan kesemua jawatan tertinggi untuk AJK adalah daripada Kolej MARA Banting. Persoalannya di sini, mengapa aku yang kene adi penghulunita atau mak penghulu?
“saya percayakan awak, sebab tu saya calonkan awak” - Asmak
oh, terima kasih Asmak!saya tidak marahkan anda.. semua ini ketetapan Allah.. =)
kira-kira 2 malam sebelum itu,
“baik kau lantik orang lain cepat-cepat kalau kau tak nak kene lantik jadi penghulunita”- fana
“err? macamla orang nak lantik aku”- aku
oh, sangatlah! kan dah kena.
tetapi taklah berat manapun tanggungjawab aku jika nak dibandingkan dengan penghulu dan timbalan penghulu.
tetapi saat yang paling aku tak suka adalah sewaktu disuruh memberi ucapan di majlis penangguhan. aku tergamam seketika. dan banyak kali kehilangan perkataan. memalukan sungguh. oh, tak mengapa. pengalaman hidup. menarik juga.
Kumpulan 3 dan Para Fasilitator
entah mengapa, aku ini berhati busuk agaknya, merasakan pada awalnya bahawa kumpulan aku agak membosankan. namun, perkara itu lumrah. kami belum saling mengenali. setelah mengenali, aku sangat bersyukur dapat mengenali ahli-ahli kumpulanku yang terdiri daripada semua tajaan iaitu KPTM,KPM, JPA- Russia, FELDA dan MARA.
amin, seong, fikri, muhamad, hariz, irfan, sharon, hema, ‘izzati, kak farina.
terima kasih kak farina atas perkongsian pengalaman akak yang sangat berharga. muhamad kau memang sengal. kau memang mencari nahas apabila mengeluarkan pernyataan berikut tatkala aku meminta pertolongan kau membasuh bekas makanan, “la, basuh pinggankan kerja orang perempuan, buatlah”. menyirap darah aku. aku membalas dendam dengan banyak kali menyuruh dia membasuh bekas makanan dan minuman. itulah dia hukuman yang setimpal. stereotaip betul pemikiran kau. tapi nasib baik kau pun agak kelakar dan sangatlah sempoi. kau ketawakan aku tidur, kau pun sama! amin pula pada awalnya sangat pendiam. tapi akhirnya bercakap dan bergurau juga. nasib baiklah ada fikri dan ‘izzati untuk menjadi penyanyi solo kumpulan kami sewaktu petandingan nyanyian lagu patriotik. lagu bertajuk bumi malaysia. sumpah aku tak pernah dengar lagu tersebut seumur hidupku hinggalah di kem tersebut. irfan, aku asyik la tergelak dengan perangai dan tingkahlaku kau. sumpah kau adalah gabungan syafiq wahab dan fitri hakim. “drama queen” sungguh! dan aku seronok bersama dia. terima kasih semua!
cikgu md noor sangatlah aku geruni sebenarnya. seorang kaunselor, beliau banyak belajar mengenai psikologi jadi aku tahu dia seorang pemerhati yang sangatlah bagus. namun informasi yang diberian beliau amatlah membuka mata. saya tidak dapat merasakan sebarang “bias” dalam pernyataan beliau. agak kagum. abang Lan pula, seorang pemuda yang agak menyeronokkan. orang muda, biasalah. pengalaman beliau memang terbaiklah! terima kasih atas perkongsian ilmu daripada kalian.
Dormmates dan tissue roller di tandas
terima kasih e ein, nady, yah, imah, asna, dan asza atas keseronokkan yang tela kita kongsi bersama. oh, tidak lupa juga pada adilah dengan kuih kornflakes madunya yang terbaik.
pengalaman kalian di BTN pasti hanya terpahat di minda dan hati sahaja, namun aku turut terpahat di bahagian atas sedikit daripada siku aku. 2 Jun, kira-kira waktu maghrib, aku masuk ke tandas untuk menjawab panggilan alam. kemudian, setelah selesai, aku bangun lalu tak semena-mena lengan kiri aku terlanggar tissue roller kosong yang terapat di dinding tandas tersebut. kemudia aku berasa pedih dan aku melihat lenganku terbelah dan menampakkan isi daging berwarna putih seolah-olah daging ayam! kemudian darah mula mengalir deras. owh nasib baik nady berada di situ. terpaksalah dibawa ke klinik dan…
tada!
3 jahitan dikenakan! pada asalnya jururawat itu tidak mahu membius lenganku akan tetapi setelah mendengar jeritan batinku pada jahitan pertama, terpaksalah dia membiusku untuk jahitan kedua dan ketiga. ya, aku dibius cinta. kemudian pak Mus pon memanggil aku “budak yang kena jahit”.
“kak long, kenapela engkau langgor tin tu kak long oi!!”- pak mus. =D
begitulah kisah BTN aku. bolehlah aku katakan sebagai menarik. walaupun Pak Mus kata semangat kerjasama kami kurang mungkin kerana kami daripada tempat-tempat yang berbeza, namun, aku seronok berkenalan dengan teman-teman baru. dan aku sangat bersyukur dengan kurniaan Allah atas keharmonian negara Malaysia yang membolehkan aku hidup aman, dan selesa, tanpa perlu takut akan dibom atau ditembak seperti di negara-negara lain. aku tak mahu lagi menjadi orang yang tidak bersyukur dengan sering mempersoalkan pelbagai perkara yang berada di luar bidang kuasa aku dan tak mahu lagi membuat andaian tentang mana-mana pihak. terima kasih ya Allah, Alhamdulillah. dan Ya Allah, aku memohon pada-Mu, kekalkanlah keharmonian negara ini dan wujudkanlah perpaduan yang jitu dalam hati-hati kami rakyat Malaysia. lindungilah kami daripada segala malapetaka. moga kami semua sentiasa berada dalam rahmat-Mu ya Allah, Tuhan sekalian alam.
“rindu ‘baby’ la..”
(statement minta penampar daripada saya kepada dormmates saya~ hehe)
lily, marry me.. =)
yeah.. you broke my heart pretty, but it’s okay.. there is always a next time..
yeah right..
i came across this article in newspaper and also watched it on tv, which i would like to share it with everyone..
kalo mcm tu, jom kawen!
owh lupe plak org tak sudi.. kah3!
and so i remember what i learned during history classes when i was form 4 or form 5.. tak sure sgtlah..
so Che Det, akan tercapaikah impian anda untuk memenuhi dasar kependudukan Malaysia?
tapi still, byk je anak luar nikah yang dilahirkan.. tu tak membantu ke untuk mencapai matlamat 70 juta orang penduduk malaysia??
put your very own title..
salam alyk…
my greatest fear for the holiday came true..
“boringness”
as in, i dont really know what to do..
i do have some plan in my mind for the holiday, but still, everything can only be done after my btn which is from 1st june till 5th june..
so currently, i’m quite lazy to go online since there are only few kmbians available, and those people pon i hardly spoke to them in college.. so i dunno.. i dun have the mood.. even old friends pon i dont have the mood to do so.. sorry..
well, since i’m all alone, i’ve been reminiscing a lot about KMB..
singgah blog budak2 kmb, mostly wrote bout kmb..
“ko pon nnt wa mesti tulis pasal kmb gak kan..”
said a friend before she went to btn.. i bet she’s missing me right now.. kah3.. *lesbo tak? tak kan…*
i dont know what to write about kmb.. sebenarnye byk, tp kan dah kate td, takde mood la nak wat ape2.. it’s just that, i love all the people in KMB.. seriously.. mmg la tempat die tak berape bes tapi orang2 kat ctu yang bes..
so now i am missing everyone..
owh one more thing, i’m damn nervous about tonight.. man u vs barcelona..
sumpah weyh.. this is very big man!
plus, i’ll be watching the match with 2 chelsea fans ( along and aji) and also one not-so-sure-which-side-he-chose (abah) because he said that both team are so strong that he cannot do any prediction..
sorry people at btn, i hope u guys can actually find someway to watch it.. or maybe u guys are too tired to stay awake to do so..
“please pretty please, dont break my heart“
pathetically pathetic..
though i think i easily express my feelings through my face expressions, still, i think i need more than that…
i find it very hard to really express my feelings to somebody..
i mean by words..
words..
words..
yeah words..
ugh.. i feel so pathetic.. pathetically pathetic..
when I’m angry, i don’t want to just tell the people that I’m angry, as it will be clearly displayed on my face, but i want to say “I’m mad at you” and tell the reasons why..
when I’m happy, i don’t want to just tell the people that I’m happy, but i also want to spread the happiness.. this one, i don’t think people do need specific reasons to do so..
when i hate dislike or feel uncomfortable with something or someone, erm, this one i do not really show it, but u can sometimes detect my hesitancy, still, i really think that they have to know the reasons..
when i like or feel comfortable with something or someone, this one I’m not sure whether people can tell or not, still i really want to tell them so.. but, i don’t know how to do so and I’m sure it will damn awkward if i do so..
why? people said that i look
“garang”, “mcm mafia”, “muke samseng”, “ganas” , yadayadayadayadayada….
ok. maybe to some extent it’s true that i’m a bit kasar, but well dat will be another topic to speak about later.
so that is why, it would be something weird if suddenly i say those positive things to people.. it will be consider as “geli” by me or even those who hears it..because it’s from me.. and my message cannot be successfully delivered.. as in sometimes, people might think it as main2.. ades
and also, i really needs to clarify the reasons for me being mad of someone.. as in i hope that the person will not repeat the same mistakes again and again.. maybe some people think it would be okay later on as we will eventually be immuned with them, but what if i’m not? what if i keep it in my heart and later as it reach the maximum capacity and explode?
alright.. i know i’m not the only one who think like this, there maybe some other people out there who feels the same way as i do..
the thing is people, my point is that, i might seems lepak, tak kesah sgt, buat bodo je, malas nak layan, but deep in my heart, aku byk bende yang aku simpan..
sometimes i feel like crying, well i did, as i cannot really tell people what am i feeling.. worst come to worst, it would be really frustrating when people misinterpret my actions (attitude, face expressions, behaviour, what i speak, my tone and register and so on…) or in other word.. misinterpret me as a whole..
tapi pape pon.. Allah itu maha mengetahui.. from Him is the only one i ask for my strength..
13. Dan tuturkanlah perkataan kamu Dengan perlahan atau Dengan nyaring, (sama sahaja keadaannya kepada Allah), kerana Sesungguhnya Allah Maha mengetahui akan Segala (isi hati) Yang terkandung di Dalam dada.
14. Tidakkah Allah Yang menciptakan sekalian makhluk itu mengetahui (segala-galanya)? sedang ia Maha Halus urusan PentadbiranNya, lagi Maha mendalam PengetahuanNya!
(al-mulk, 67: 13-14)
so dear X, i really hope that u dont feel too proud with ur victory, as u have lost to me for umpteen time.. and yet, i dont feel proud about it and i think i’ve been patient enough with you.. i’ve wrote a post expressing my dissatisfaction towards you once.. and this is twice.. i wish i could beg to you to stop being so egoistic just like i am as it will only brings disaster.. being ignorant and egoistic at the same time is what orang melayu called as “bodoh sombong”.. i did that so many times too.. and so i dont want you to be like dat..i’m sori..
dear XY, just please stop being so “oversensitive”.. i’m not the kind of person who cannot control my feelings.. i know my limit.. just give my my chance to indulge it.. i guess u are the one who is weird and not acting like usual.. still, i’m enjoying whatever i’m feeling towards u, XY..
dear people other than X and XY, dun worry, i have no problemo with you guys..
to X,XY, and other people, silalah berusaha bersungguh2.. usaha gile2 la thap dewa naga la senang cakap.. ni last kot.. pasni mane ade nak wat IB lagi.. sekali seumur hidup kot!!!
cheerio people~
-aku yang ego-
